Ah, college. Such a wonderful time of the year for parents to send off their little darlings to learn and grow. As a sophomore, I’ve mastered the art of college. For instance, I know the perfect studying spot in the library, what professors give extra credit, and most importantly, the perfect time to eat at the dining hall to avoid the crowds. I was a master at weaving through people in the dining hall last year, but this year, it’s a different story.
Any time I go in the dining hall, no matter what time of the day it is, there are freshmen everywhere. I can barely even move because there are so many bodies. I understand freshmen are scared, and that they want their mother’s meatloaf instead of dining hall slop, but they need to learn how things are done. It’s not me, it’s them.
Here are some thoughts I have as a sophomore stuck in the dining hall with clueless freshman:
1. Why is the frozen yogurt machine already broken?
All I want is a healthy dessert to snack on in the dining hall, only to find out that the frozen yogurt machine is out of order because all these freshmen don’t know how to control themselves. This is why we can’t have nice things.
2. Do all freshmen have to go to the dining hall at the same time?
Depending on your class schedule, you might only have one hour to eat lunch, butttt I don’t think every freshman in the entire university has to eat lunch at 11:30 p.m.
3. I already know what I want, so you should figure out what you want before I cut you.
When I say I could ‘cut you,’ that could be interpreted two different ways. First, I could literally cut you in line to go before you. Or, I could be slightly mean and ruffle some of your feathers.
4. If you see there’s already a huge line outside one dining hall, why don’t you find another to eat at?
There are three dining halls on campus, yet, every freshman feels the need to go to the one right below my dorm. It’s so convenient for me to slip down to get a quick meal, but I can’t do that when everyone and their mother goes to the same dining hall.
5. Please don’t stop abruptly right in front of me, I am a woman on a mission.
Slow walkers can be annoying, but at least they are walking. People that walk and then stop really quick to do who knows what are not my favorite people. I’m not taking a leisurely stroll in the dining hall because of its beautiful scenery, I’m on a mission to grab my food and go.
6. Why do you all have to be in MY usual line?
I typically eat the same items every week because I know what I want, and I know what I like. My regularly scheduled eating program has been disrupted lately because all these newbies are popping in my line.
7. Am I really going to eat a salad for lunch because that’s the only station with no line?
I was basically forced to eat a salad on the first day of school because all the other lines were insane. I may be thin, but that doesn’t mean I want a salad for lunch. Give me some meat for crying out loud. Spinach is for Popeye.
8. These freshies better learn how the operations work, real quick.
I know this post seems harsh, but I hope the new freshmen enjoy the dining hall…after they learn how everything works. Sure, I didn’t know what to do in the dining hall as a freshman, but I learned very quickly. I have faith that this year’s freshmen can do the same.
(Gifs courtesy of giphy.com)
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