If there’s one thing that I’ll hold true until the day my body gives up on me and says “sayonara bebe,” it’s the fact that a hotdog is NOT A SANDWICH. If you actually think that a hotdog is a sandwich, feel free to unfollow or even block me. I was never in this for the clout anyway.
Now that all the hotdog sandwich freaks are out of here…hello my beautiful blog babies. I have an intense story for all of you. Before I get into the really juicy stuff, allow me to provide some background information about myself.
I’m a ~professional.~ Connect with me on LinkedIn, xoxo.
My name’s Kara McKenna, and I’m an advertising student at the University of Georgia. I’m basically a broke Don Draper, but nice with a healthy pair of lungs. As an advertising student, I consider myself to be a fairly creative writer. This is how I got into this whole hot dog debate.
An organization called the Atlanta Ad Club hosts five $1,000 scholarships every year for advertising students that creatively solve a problem. They had a list of prompts to choose from including “What’s your life story?” and “Build a marketing campaign for your favorite local business.”
These were great prompts, but the one that stood out to me was “Is a hot dog a sandwich? Explain.”
I wrote a compelling critical analysis on this topic, and I came to the decision that a hot dog IS NOT a sandwich. It turns out the Atlanta Ad Club education committee agreed with me because they awarded me $1,000 for my essay on this subject.
Now, I’m going to share the essay that made my student loan debt decrease by .05%.
Here is the essay that won me $1,000 for explaining why a hot dog is not a sandwich, word for word. Enjoy:
A Critical Analysis of Why a Hot Dog is not a Sandwich Kara McKenna
In my 20 years of living, there are two questions that I ask myself every morning when I wake up to go to classes that aren’t worth $40,000 per year: 1). Why is “Careless Whisper” by George Michael not our National Anthem? and 2). Is a hotdog a sandwich?
Alright, simmer down, Suzan. I guess I understand why total babe George Michael isn’t the voice of America. However, one thing I don’t understand is why you always have to go on a rant when someone dares to spell your name with an “s” instead of a “z,” making it Susan. Yeah, go ahead and blame it on the incompetence of Millennials. That’s what everyone else does.
I’m actually a part of Gen Z, so nothing you say can offend me. I’m stuck with the generation of kids that think dabbing on the haters will promote world peace. We’re some real winners, Suzan.
Anyway, it’s the tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme: was Belle really going to get jiggy with an animal? In a Disney movie?
Whoops. That wasn’t in the list of prompts.
For real though, is a hot dog a sandwich? This is the question that plagues inquisitive minds at night and leaves the Food and Drug Administration shook to the core. Actually, I think the FDA asks themselves if hot dogs are safe and edible for people to eat in the first place, but let’s not think about that too much.
When I think of a sandwich, I think of two glorious pieces of quinoa flaxseed toast with only the purest baby avocado spread smothered between the slices.
That was a joke. I eat a peanut butter sandwich every single day for lunch with whatever Aldi bread is the cheapest. Help me. Please.
Getting back to the point, there is no way in h-e-double-hockey-sticks that a hot dog is a sandwich. I’m sure hot dogs aren’t trying to flex, but they’re in their own category of food.
Why can’t we all accept that a hot dog is just a hot dog? Hot dog buns literally have their own space in the bread aisle because of their special little bun power.
I didn’t mean for that to sound kinky, but we’re talking about hot dogs and little buns, after all.
I swear Suzan, if you yell at me for using the word “literally” in a sentence, I will literally make it my mission to take down the Baby Boomers in the least non-threatening way possible…a hot dog eating contest.
Actually, I just proved my point as to why a hot dog is not a sandwich. A hot dog eating contest isn’t called a “sandwich eating contest” now, is it? It’s called a “hot dog eating contest” because hot dogs are their own entity of food. They have feelings too, and they are feeling personally attacked that they even have to be in this conversation right now.
*Hot dogs have left the group chat*
Since some truths are finally coming out, I have a confession to make…I’ve never eaten a hot dog in my life.
My mom tried to feed me a corndog when I was a kid, but I just ate the cornbread around it and said “Girl, bye!” to the hot diggity dog and sent her packing to the trash can.
If you think that a hot dog is a sandwich, then you’re entitled to your wrong opinion. Feel free to keep hiding the truth from yourself. One day, you’ll look back at this argument and truly question why you let the government start this hot dog feud to distract us from the fact that we’re all living in some type of Matthew McConaughey car commercial.
What does that even mean? I don’t know, but I feel like I trust Matthew McConaughey with my life more than I do with my own mother, and that seems problematic. I bet he would be able to give a great explanation for why a hot dog is not a sandwich.
Whelp, I think this is it, chief. How did I do? Ok, you say? At least I didn’t type this in Comic Sans or something lame like that. Only a person who seriously considers a hot dog to be a sandwich would do that.
Wasn’t that moving? I hope you’re on the right side of history and believe that a hot dog is simply a hot dog. Enough of this sandwich nonsense.
I truly appreciate the Atlanta Ad Club for awarding me a scholarship and allowing me to be my wacky self. I will make a post about the award ceremony soon, and I’ll try not to take a month to do it, lol.
Go forth my dear friends and spread the gospel of my words with those who think that a hot dog is a sandwich. Show them this essay and convert them to the good side.
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