*Cue dramatic movie trailer narrator voice*
In a world where one young woman has crazy things that happen to her every day that you wouldn’t believe, comes a tell-all book that’s ready to spill. the. tea.
From looking at her, you probably think that Kara McKenna is your typical college student, but you’re about to get schooled, son.
Prepare yourself, Barnes and Noble, because Kara is going to write an earth-shattering book that’s going to make you regret ever selling books.
Doesn’t that sound promising? Alright, back to me and my slightly ~less~ dramatic voice.
Well, you heard it here first, folks. I’m going to write a book. Do I have a mesmerizing storyline filled with romance, heartbreak, and strategically timed comedic relief that’s ready to be published? Ha, no. You see, I don’t exactly have my book planned out at the moment, but I’m sure I’ll get to it eventually.
I already know what you’re thinking: “Kara, how do you expect to write a book when you can’t even write one blog post a month.” To that, I say… well, you do have a point, I suppose.
Listen, I get it. I have a lot of #haters that don’t believe in me.
I may not know the first thing about the book I’m going to write, but something I do know is that it will be #1 on the New York Times Best Sellers List when it comes out. When I’m a published author, people will be saying “Ernest Hemingway who???” and “Shakespeare? Hmmm, never heard of the guy.”
One of the main reasons I want to write a book is simply because I want to have fun and say whatever the heck I want.
I want to say cheeky things that will make my parents consider disowning me. I want to make sad bus passengers chuckle and forget about the person sitting right next to them that’s easily taking up three seats because they have to stretch their legs.
Also, the weirdest freaking things happen to me all the time, so I might as well not feel awkward about them anymore and put them in a book to make money.
My book will be like a fictitious auto-biography on steroids that unexpectedly catches on fire sometimes for no reason. In other words, it will be a beautiful disaster that you won’t be able to rip your eyes away from.
I’m not sure when I’ll get started on my book, but just know that it’s coming. I truly want you to start preparing yourself now for the release, even if it’s 75 years from now, because there’s going to be some wild stuff in it.
If you don’t feel like reading my book when it comes out, you can always wait for when I sell the rights for $1 billion dollars to some ritzy company that makes it into an Oscar award winning movie, instead.
As long as my book’s movie doesn’t win some low-life award from the MTV Movie Awards like “Best Shirtless Performance,” I’ll feel good about my life choices.
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